


Being Edward Elric

by loosingletters



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, I have no idea what to tag, I'll do it as I go on, One Shot Collection, Sexism, Trans Edward Elric, Worldbuilding, Xerxes | Cselkcess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6665134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosingletters/pseuds/loosingletters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward Elric - Genius, Fullmetal Alchemist, student of Izumi Curtis, part of the small group of people to have survived human transmutation and a boy, at least on the outside.<br/>Edward Elric is a trans girl.<br/>Life just got a little harder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Observing Ed

**Author's Note:**

> I need more trans girl Edward. Edward's pronouns will vary, depending on when one of the OS take place and whose POV it is. I have no idea yet in which verse this will be set in so yeah.  
> That said, I hope you will enjoy this first OS! It takes place while Ed and Al are studying under Izumi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update March 2018:  
> I have decided to correct the many grammatical mistakes of this story. I still love the idea but I can't leave it here in this state.

Shopping was the only house duty Edward would ever do without any complaining at all. Izumi was well aware that the blonde knew how to properly wash, cook and clean too, but if he could, he would coax Alphonse into doing all of those while he spent the time studying. He’d argue that the past years he had been the one doing all those chores, as he was the elder brother and it was his job to look after Alphonse, but now Al was old enough and could do them too.

While Izumi didn’t appreciate Edward trying to weasel his way out of doing chores, she resented the implication of Edward’s words. The boys had been on their own in their home after their mother’s death, even if their neighbors had helped the two. As a result, Ed had had a much more significant hand in raising his brother than he should have in better circumstances.

Of course, she had told Edward times and times again to not load his work on his little brother but he wasn’t hearing, and Alphonse’s backbone wasn’t hard enough yet.

It did Edward no good to be studying all day long. She and Ed fought a lot about trivial things like chores, and if not for Alphonse’s kindness, Edward would do a lot more than just go shopping with her.

 “What else do we need?” Edward asked her, carrying the two bags with vegetables and fruits.

“Let me think… We need some eggs and you and Alphonse need new shoes.”

The blonde’s next steps were more jumps than actual steps as if he had to confirm the need for new shoes. Then he nodded, his experiment had proven that indeed she was right. Edward waited for Izumi to catch up, unmistakably annoyed when she didn’t bother to speed up a little.

The duo bought a box of eggs at the stand of a local farmer, who also gave them a bottle of milk for free so Edward would finally ‘grow a few inches’. Edward had retorted by attempting to throw the bottle at the man like he tried to do every week, and Izumi had dragged him away.

It was while they were walking down the street that the unusual occurrence interrupted the so far usual shopping trip. They had taken another road back home and Edward had run ahead like always. Then he suddenly stopped and turned to the display window of a clothing shop. He studied the colorful dresses on display like they were the most fascinating objects he’d seen today.

With the way he looked at them, Izumi almost expected him to point at the red summer dress and ask her if he could try it on. The thought crossing her mind seemed so ridiculous at first, but she had observed similar behavior from Edward a few times already.

There were moments where Edward just seemed completely uncomfortable with the way he was addressed and every suggestion to get a haircut was rejected. Sometimes she caught him staring in the mirror, looking at himself as if he were trying to figure out his appearance.

“... Edward?”

His attention was focused on the shop until he suddenly snapped out of it at the sound of her voice. He looked up at her, the question mark clearly visible on his face.

“Edward, do you-”

The more she thought about it, the less did it seem like an absurd theory. She had seen the gate; she had seen Truth. She knew that a body didn’t define somebody’s soul or how one wished to be seen. She knew that sometimes things just didn’t match, couldn’t match and never would.

Yet she couldn’t bring herself to ask Edward about it. Not when he looked so guilty in the split second after tearing his gaze off the window. Someday she would sit down with him. Someday she would talk to him, when her teachings had gone past the basics of layering transmutation circles.

“Sensei?” He asked, his puzzled expression stopping every word she could have said from ever leaving her mouth.

“It’s nothing,” she decided to reply.

“Eh?! What did you want to ask me?!” Ed demanded. He frowned at her, his big golden eyes flashing with interest.

“Nothing. Well, nothing besides… How come Alphonse is nearly as tall as you? Isn’t he your younger brother?” She teased him and her words had the desired effect.

Edward stopped asking and instead threw a hissy fit about his height, just like usual. Later, she decided while Edward’s voice blurred together with her background noise.

She would talk with him later.


	2. Naming Ed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle with Father, Hohenheim talks with Ed about names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally decided on a verse! Brotherhood [there will still be AU Elements tho]! (what, no, definitely not because of Ling what are you implying). Although some OS might be set in 03 because I still love it, but I'll write that in the AN then. Otherwise, every OS is set in the same verse.  
> I wanted to write some Hohenheim - Ed bonding kinda thingy.  
> Explanation about the chosen names at the bottom!

Ed didn’t know what was worse, being stuck in a room with Hohenheim while Alphonse was awake or while he was sleeping. When awake, he forced them to talk, which always ended in a disaster, and when he was asleep, there was an awkward silence between them.

"Sophia,” Hohenheim interrupted the silence.

Ed just stared at him blankly – definitely not having been interrupted thinking about the best escape routes – the sudden outburst meaning nothing to her.

"What?"

"Your name, if you hadn't been-," Hohenheim stopped talking as if he was searching for a fitting word, "-if you hadn't been born as Edward. Your name would have been Sophia. It's a Xerxian name, your mother decided on it."

Ed looked out of the hospital window, wishing she hadn't picked the bed the furthest away from the door. Of course, she could escape through the window but then Al would scold her about taking better care of herself. Her brother couldn't even walk by himself and yet he put her health first, that idiot.

Ed could feel the bastard staring at her, waiting for a reaction.

Sophia, huh?

Didn't sound all that bad she had to admit. But the reason for that was probably that her mother had picked the name.

"What does it mean?" She finally asked, completely unnerved by the tense silence.

"Wisdom," her father replied with his deep voice.

How much Ed detested his tone just because it could mean she would end up with the same voice. She already looked more like him than she had ever looked like her mother. The same hair, the same eyes, their faces had the same shape. Sure, Ed was still not as tall as Hohenheim but she knew her father had his growth spurt late too, at least that was what her mother had always told them. How much of that was true given the whole semi-immortality was debatable, but life sucked so Edward assumed the worst.

"It means wisdom and knowledge."

Ed turned to Hohenheim and frowned. "Isn't that the same thing?"

"I can be wise and be sure to make the right decision or I can have a lot of knowledge, know how to solve an equation. Sophia was the name of the first and only Xerxian queen who had all the power over Xerxes. Her father, the king, didn't have any sons so she inherited the crown, which was rather frowned upon as you can imagine.”

Ed thought of her Mother and Winry, Teacher and Briggs’ Ice Queen. Ed tried to think of herself, but only her mistakes, her wrongness flashed as the ugly memories of hurting people through her head. Maybe not she, the abomination, but other women were powerful as hell. Underestimating them was foolish.

“She was a fair queen and did what was the best for the country. It is said she shaped the Xerxian alchemy more than anybody else,” Hohenheim continued. “She helped her people, even treated the slaves with respect. It was recorded that she freed the slaves working in the palace, one of them was even supposed to have become her lover. Of course, she was married to another citizen of nobility but that was only for the old traditions.”

A name with a long history then. Ed imagined a tanned queen with long blonde hair and a golden crown upon her head. Golden eyes and high cheekbones, always smiling, carrying herself through life without any mistakes and beloved by all. Sophia sounded like a damn perfect fairy tale princess.

"It's a stupid name," Ed told Hohenheim, tactful as always. "Makes her sound like she's out of some fairy tale you tell children."

The 'it wouldn’t fit me with my stupid mistakes' was left unspoken but Ed imagined her father understanding her anway. Despite what Alphonse thought, the two of the communicated quite similarly and could understand each other easily. But it didn't mean that Ed respected her father or that understanding equaled acceptance.

Hohenheim smiled apologetically and Ed wanted to wipe that stupid expression off his damn face.

"She really does but people always want to remember the good sides of people. It was rarely mentioned how she was unable to really connect with her children or that she lost all three children, one to sickness, one to war and one to foolishness. Neither did people talk about how often she acted recklessly or how easily she raged. She also wasn't the best monarch concerning foreign policy."

"Still doesn't make her sound like a good candidate to name a child after."

"Maybe, but Sophia was human and humans make mistakes. When her first child fell ill, she was unable to cope with the possibility of her son dying. She locked herself in her study for one year, rarely leaving it or visiting her child. Her husband, the one of nobility and a man not made to be involved in politics, took over the country while she searched for medicine.”

“And she found it, healed her kid and happily ever after, right?” Ed interrupted dryly.

Hohenheim shook his head.

“No. She didn’t find a cure so she grew more and more desperate. Eventually, she understood that there was nothing she could do and spent her time at her son’s bed, telling him the most wonderful stories. Her son passed away in his sleep, peacefully. Sophia grieved but still, she spread her medical findings all over Xerxes so others could use it. She also never stopped the research herself. She found a cure ten years after her firstborn’s death.”

It still sounded a lot like a fairy tale to Ed, but less perfect. In children’s stories, nobody died, after all their world was a safe one. And the moral of the story wasn’t too bad, Ed thought. She could live with it. Besides, the name of Xerxes’ only queen was kind of cool.

“I’m going to sleep now,” she announced. She had exchanged more than enough words with Hohenheim; it was time for a break. Ed lay down on the hospital bed again and closed her eyes. She waited for Hohenheim to get out of the room but the old man didn’t move from his chair. The blonde sighed and eventually sleep claimed her.

_After months Ed is filling out papers to make everything right._

_She writes Sophia Edith Elric in the blank space where her name is supposed to be._

_She never tells Al how she decided on that name._

_He knows it anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Al listened to them.
> 
> Personally I don't like it when people give the female version of characters names that sound similar to their male counterparts because most of the time it doesn’t make any sense and it's unusual for parents to have basically the same name for a child, no matter the gender.  
> In Canon Edward is called Ed most of the time, it's a nickname and I wanted to keep that.  
> I imagine she has some sort of attachment to her name as it is something her parents, meaning also Trisha, gave her. That is half the reason why I chose Edith as Ed's second name. The other is in probably the next OS I will post so no spoiler!  
> Now for the first name, I chose Sophia because to me it is a name that is similar to Edward. Edward is old English, it basically means "rich guard". I thought Sophia's wisdom would fit it. Both are names used by the British royality in the past. Although the origin of Sophia is greek, it's a really popular German name. Considering all the references in FMA verses to Germany and that Hohenheim's name is German, Sophia seems perfect to me as a xerxian name. (Yes, I love everything about Xerxes in FMA)  
> So yeah. That was it.


	3. Dancing with Ed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Offers are made with the answers already known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm Edling trash. Promise this OSes won't focus on ships!  
> Takes place while Ed is on the 'camping trip' with Greedling, Darius and Heinkel.

“You could be my empress.”

It was already dark and they were lying on the ground, watching the stars above them. Heinkel and Darius had gone to sleep, leaving the first watch to Ed and Greed, well, currently Ling. The homunculus was apparently too bored and had given Ling reign over his body. Ed wasn't too sure if she- he should believe that but either way, he certainly wouldn't ask so Greed would have a reason to come back.

“Why the fuck would I want to be your empress?!” He hissed instead.

The black-haired man sat up, looking unusual serious. “Think about it. It would be easier to find a way to get your brother's and your body back with all of Xing’s resources. You could study eastern alchemy and you wouldn’t have to travel anymore. A warm home, gold, jewelry, a whole country. I could give you all that.”

Ed scoffed and rolled her- _his_ eyes. “You’re the absolute biggest idiot I know, Ling.”

Ling smiled, knowing that Ed was entertaining the thought either way. She was envisioning what it would be like to leave Amestris behind, just take her brother and go; thinking about this in her highly, maybe even already ridiculously logical way, she could see the appeal, how it would be the easy way out.

But Ed had long since learned that the easy way out wasn’t the best route to take.

“Are you sure? Aren't you forgetting about yourself?” Ling respondent, earning himself a halfhearted punch in the side.

“I’m sure you are the dumber one, idiot prince! Besides, I couldn’t even be your empress. I’m a boy.”

It had been getting harder to say this without feeling like she- _he- fuck this_ , needed to throw up.

“No, you're not.”

 Another punch, this time one of Edward’s usual ones, with metal hand and full power. Both of them jumped up, Ling with a cheerful smile on his face while Ed’s expression was one of anger.

Ling had been thought to read other people’s body language and he knew Edward’s like no others’. What she showed was explosive anger. Her rage was quite a lot like fire, burning and all-consuming. What she was exposing now was merely the light of a candle. Appearing dangerous but mostly warming, and a warning to not take it any further.

Unfortunately getting on Ed's nerves was one of Ling's favorite pastimes.

They spared, exchanged blows and kicks, and if Ling was honest, it was the most beautiful dance he ever had the pleasure to be a part of.

“I can’t,” he answered when they both laid on the grass again, sweating, and it explained everything and more.

“I know,” Ling sighed and laid back down again, his arms crossed beneath his head. “But when this mess is over, maybe…”

Maybe Ed could stop pretending; maybe others could see Ed for what he- _she_ actually was. Maybe someday… Ed wished she could stop dreaming. It had never done him any good.

It was the last thing they said for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so for the whole "I'm a boy" thing: I doubt that Ed would go around and be open about her being trans. FMA's setting time wise corresponds around our 1900-1925. Back then in our would being trans is not something you wanna be and let's be honest - it still is. So Ed would keep her mouth shut about, she and Al already have enough problems. Also it is a lot easier to "deal with it" if you tell other's you are a girl/boy/whatever even if you are the opposite, trust me on this.  
> Updated March 2018: That's also the reason I played around a little more with pronouns here. Getting used to new pronouns/sticking to old ones is super hard. It took me a year to stop adding female endings to the German indefinite articles and I still stutter when I use them.  
> Why Ling still knows Ed is a girl? Gonna be in the same OS as the one I mentioned to be writing in the last chapter!


	4. Calling Ed “brother”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lan Fan wonders why Alphonse calls Ed “brother”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I am still not following any kind of order with these OSes.  
> Also: Qi is being turned into a tool of reading emotions and basic concepts of the mind!  
> Update March 2018: Lan Fan is also trans now. Fight me.

“Your sister sure has a temper,” Lan Fan told Al as both of them watched Ed shout at the coffee shop owner.

“Sister?” The hollow armor echoed. “I know Ed does look a bit girly with the long hair but he is my brother.”

The bodyguard of the Xingese prince took notice of the pained touch in Alphonse’s voice, and the way his Qi wavered. The usual calm and slow waves of the Elric’s Qi had sped up and become more abrupt. He was lying, Lan Fan concluded. But why would he call his sister a boy when Ed clearly wasn’t? It was easy to notice, really. The way the blonde carried herself, the way she acted, the way the energy ran through her body.

Never mind that Alphonse and Edward Elric could nearly read each other’s thoughts, so there had to be something Alphonse gained in misgendering Ed. The boy was too kind to make such mistake otherwise.

So the question was what Alphonse gained by it?

Ed was still shouting at the owner and now Ling too, the later greatly disturbing Lan Fan. The blonde shouldn’t treat her prince like that, but as long as Ling was still smiling amused, the Xingese woman saw no need to interrupt and protect her prince's honor.

“Your sister-,” Lan Fan tried again only to be interrupted by Alphonse.

“My brother.”

“Why do you call her that? It doesn’t make sense with the way she-”

“It’s easier!”

Lan Fan stopped talking, surprised by Alphonse’s sudden outburst. His voice spoke of fatigue, anger, pain, sorrow; a powerful and dangerous mix she hadn’t expected to lie within him.

“It is easier, okay?” Alphonse repeated himself, calmer this time. “How do you think others would treat Ed if he’d acted according to his wishes? It is hard enough to be taken seriously considering our age and everyone’s expectations due to our actions and our knowledge of alchemy. What do you expect it would be like if the obviously male Edward Elric started to go out as a female? It is better this way.”

After that Lan Fan fell silent. In Xing there were no problems with gender. How could there be when it was easy to tell what a person identified as. One did not even have to see their body to know how to address them.

Apparently, that wasn’t the case in Amestris. She wondered how Ed could stand getting up each morning and pretend to be something she wasn’t. Lan Fan rarely had to live with it. The moments in which she was painfully reminded of her body's own shortcomings were few and in between but horrible enough that she didn't want to experience it every day.

“When you and your brother have reached your goal, and the young master is crowned, you should visit Xing with your sister.”

Alphonse’s Qi flattered, glowing of delight but before he could give a response, Ed and Ling had reached them again. Ed was loudly counting how much money Ling’s appétit had cost the Elric’s while the Xingan prince devoured yet another sandwich in one go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
